Robin Bhuyan
Abhay Singh, popularly known as “IIT Baba,” is a former aerospace engineering student from IIT Bombay who has recently gained significant media and social media attention for his transition from science to spirituality. He made the decision, despite having a package of 36 lacs INR per year. In the past few weeks, he has become an internet sensation, during the Mahakumbh Mela, where his unique journey and perspectives captivated the attention of netizens. However, in various interviews, Abhay Singh has expressed discomfort with the “IIT Baba” label, emphasizing that he does not seek fame and wishes to be free from such tags.
He has also sparked significant discussion and debate with his views on the traditional reverence of parents in Indian culture. He has stated how he has suffered trauma due to his parents, which is one of the reasons why he decided to turn to spirituality. In a recent discourse, he challenged the age-old concept that equates parents to deities. Abhay Singh boldly stated, “Maa baap bhagwan nahi hai yaar. Maa baap ko bhi bhagwan ne banaya hai.” He emphasized that while parents are instrumental in one’s life, they are not divine beings themselves.
Singh further critiqued the notion of filial duty, suggesting that many parents raise their children with the expectation of future returns, likening it to nurturing horses for labor. He argued that this mindset perpetuates generational trauma, as parents often impose their unfulfilled aspirations onto their offspring, hindering the child’s individual growth and freedom.
IIT Baba’s View on Parents
IIT Baba’s remarks regarding parents can be boiled down to a simple but profound point: parental love, while often genuine, can quite often become toxic. This is seen quite often in India, where parents have huge expectations from their children. The problem lies in the blind loyalty expected from children, even in the face of abuse or toxic behavior.
In many cases, especially in India, parents are viewed as the ultimate authority in a child’s life, and this creates an environment where children feel obligated to respect, care for, and serve their parents—no matter the circumstances. Abhay Singh highlights that this approach can perpetuate harmful cycles, where the child is expected to forgive their parents’ mistakes without ever questioning or confronting them. This has garnered criticism from many netizens, though hundreds of people can be seen in support of his bold and fearless statements.
The Toxic Nature of Parental Love
This leads us to the fundamental question: is parental love always a positive force? Is it not important to recognize that parental love can be extremely toxic? “IIT Baba” challenges the notion that parents should be immune from criticism simply because they are parents. For example, the love a mother feels for her child—though instinctive and deep—can sometimes cross ethical boundaries. Consider the case of a mother who tries to protect her child, even if that child is a serial killer. Despite the monstrous actions of the child, the mother might go to great lengths to shield them from the law, thereby putting innocent lives at risk. This type of “toxic love” is not a virtue; it is a form of denial that enables harmful behavior, and it undermines the well-being of society. While the example presented here might lean towards the extreme, we see on a daily basis how rich parents overlook the crimes of their spoiled children.
Moreover, this form of love often leads to emotional manipulation, where children are made to feel indebted to their parents, regardless of the parents’ actions. While it is true that disciplining kids is important to an extent, in India, in many households, the lines between discipline and abuse starts to blur.
Are Parents Infallible?
There are numerous instances where parents—who are supposed to be the ultimate caregivers and protectors—become abusers or commit heinous crimes against their own children. In Indian societies, this idea that parents should be revered without question is a harmful notion. Parents have been known to abuse, neglect, and even murder their children. Just consider the tragic cases where parents have been involved in child trafficking or physically abused or sexually assaulted their own kids. Examples like these show us how dangerous the assumption that parents are automatically virtuous is, simply because they are parents.
For those who tries to justify parental abuse by saying Indian culture mandates an unquestionable reverence for parents, consider the story of Hiranyakashyap and Prahlad. Hiranyakashyap was a king who tried to abuse and murder his own son Prahlad because Prahlad refused to worship him as a god. In this story, we see that Indian culture promotes honoring the divine, truth and righteousness rather than elevating parents to a god-like status. Parents, as human beings, are fallible, and it is crucial to recognize their mistakes rather than blindly idolizing them.
Parental Love and Cultural Norms
In Indian culture, there is a strong emphasis on respecting parents, as enshrined in texts like the Mahabharata and Ramayana. However, these texts also show how parental love can make one toxic- Kaikeyi’s love for Bharat leads her to banish Sri Ram for 14 years, despite Ram having done nothing to deserve such a crime. Despite Sri Ram’s rightful place as the heir to the throne. Kaikeyi’s obsessive love, driven by her own emotional turmoil, causes her to make a decision that harms not only her son’s future but also the entire kingdom of Ayodhya. Then we can see how Dhritarashtra’s love for his son Duryodhana led to the ruin of his kingdom, and eventually Duryodhana himself. Thus, we see how toxic parental love only causes ruin in the long term. Whether you try to impose to impose 100 percent discipline on the child, or give them 100 percent freedom, both are forms of toxic love.
Hiranyakashyap, as we discussed, a figure in Hindu mythology, demanded that his son Prahlad worship him instead of God. When Prahlad refused, Hiranyakashyap tried to abuse and murder his own son. This myth, rather than advocating for blind respect towards parents, highlights the importance of honoring the divine above all else. The Indian cultural message is clear: respect and devotion should be directed towards righteousness and divinity, not towards flawed human beings, even if they are parents.
Should we be indebted to parents?
It is essential to realize that parents are simply the medium through which a soul enters the world. While it is the parents’ responsibility to nurture and guide the child, they do not own the child, nor should they expect blind servitude. This puts into perspective the often-overlooked fact that it is the parents’ decision to bring a child into the world. In India, children are often asked to be “grateful” to their parents, simply because their “parents brought them to this world”.
But let’s face the truth – Children never ask to be born. Therefore, it is not the child who should be eternally grateful to the parents, but the parents who must bear the responsibility of raising the child with love, care, and respect.
A Parent-Child Relationship Should Not Be Transactional
Many argue that it is the child’s duty to care for aging parents. But if this “duty” is treated as an obligation, it turns the parent-child relationship into a transactional one. When something is considered a duty, it loses its emotional depth and turns into a business transaction, where one party expects something in return. In a truly loving relationship, caregiving should not be seen as an obligation, but rather as an act of kindness and respect born out of genuine affection. If a child chooses to care for their parents, it should be out of love, not a sense of duty forced by societal expectations.
The Most Selfless Form of Love
As Osho wisely stated, the most selfless form of love is friendship. True friendship is rooted in mutual respect, freedom, and a lack of expectation. Unlike parental love, which can sometimes become possessive and controlling, friendship allows for true emotional growth and freedom. When you love someone freely, without conditions, you allow them to become their true selves. In contrast, parental love, when misguided, often imposes restrictions on the child’s growth, forcing them into a mold defined by the parents’ desires and expectations. It is therefore important for all parents to become friends to their child, after a certain age, if they really wish well for their child, and help in their long-term growth.
Conclusion
Abhay Singh aka IIT Baba’s statements has indeed caused a lot of controversy, regarding the traditional view of parental love, and yes, it should urge us to question whether Indian parents really should be elevated to a divine status. While parental love can be a source of strength and guidance, it can also become a tool for control, manipulation, and toxicity. Instead of blindly glorifying this love, we must strive for relationships based on mutual respect, genuine care, and freedom. Parents should not be placed on pedestals, and children should not be expected to fulfill a “duty” of care without considering their own well-being. Ultimately, love—whether between parents and children or between friends—should always be based on true affection, care and selflessness, not obligation!
